Monday, 18 January 2016

Damn those kids!

So I am sitting here sorta sniggering to myself despite being infuriated by the latest study that shows very little yet professes to show an awful lot which includes wibbling about gateways and so on and blah blah. It is all very boring and predictable and can be found here.

As I sat reading through it this morning, becoming increasingly frustrated at its contents and tortured conclusions, one part really tickled me.

There are 3 paragraphs on what is, essentially, wrong with the study usefully included within itself. To be fair this is common practice but I don't think I have yet read one that has so many suggestions on how they could have done it better. It does rather beg the question of 'Well, why didn't you actually do that then?' from which the appropriate conclusion can be drawn of 'Because we want more funding'

One of these suggestions particularly tickled me. It transpires that the control group were not exposed to any advertising whatsoever, unlike the other two groups who were shown ads that contained either 'Candy flavoured' (ARGH! - Candy? Seriously people of Cambridge university?) and 'non-flavoured' e-cigs. It does not say what the adverts were so I can only guess at that. Actually, I can't even do that, I have literally no idea. Does non-flavoured mean tobacco or no flavour mentioned at all?

So the control group just had to answer some questions on their attitudes to smoking. Anyway, their suggestion to improve on this in the next study was to ensure that the control group had some adverts to look at too, you know so they had something to actually compare with what with this being a study about the effects of advertising on 11 - 16 year olds. Our esteemed researchers suggest that a suitable product would be stationary.

Yes. Stationary.

I am now plagued with scenarios of how this would play out. So I introduce to you Jenny and Johnny.

Jenny has been given a booklet with lots of colourful pictures of e-cig adverts in such flavours as bubblegum, candy floss and chocolate.

Johnny has been given a booklet of adverts for bic biros, various types of A4 paper, staples and some paper clips.

Researcher - Right girls and boys, I would like you to open your booklets and look at the first picture then answer a few questions about it on the next page. Once you have done this first one please ask if you have any questions and then continue with the rest of pictures.

Johnny - Miss? Isn't this study about if I want to buy things?

Researcher - Yes dear, just as we talked about at the start. Is that ok?

Johnny - It's just that I have an advert for a fine nibbed biro, have I got the right booklet?

Researcher - Yes that's right. Have a look and then answer whether you liked the advert and if you would like to buy it. You get pocket money?

Johnny - Yes I do.

Researcher - So would you spend your pocket money on that or any of the other things in the booklet?

Johnny - The biro?

R - Yes, the biro.

Johnny - [ riffling through pages ] What about the 80gsm printer paper?

R - Yes that too but please do one page at a time.

Johnny - Would I spend my pocket money on pens and paper?

R - Yes, please write down your answers.

Johnny - I buy comic books with my pocket money.

R - Yes, but would you buy those things there Johnny?

Johnny - [ Disbelief ] With my own money?

R - YES! - uh.. yes

Johnny - But my mum and dad buy those things, why would I use my money? What does gsm stand for? [ calls across the classroom ] Jenny? What are you looking at?

R - No, please don..

Jenny - Dunno, those ecig things

R - Girls and boys I really mu...

Johnny - So why have I got a picture of Asda's Back To School pencil case with the plastic semi circle ruler thing in it?

Jenny - Dunno, but did you know these come in bubblegum flavour? [surprised]


Johnny - What? No! Bet they're expensive. Hey I bought some extra lives on Candy Crush the other day, what level are you on? Hey Miss? Can't I have some pictures of computer games or something? I have my ...

R - Johnny please...

Johnny - ...mums google wallet thing on my phone and she lets me use it for my pocket money. AND I got some FIFA coins the other day!

Jenny - Have you seen that advert for Clash of Clans with James Corden in? OMG that baby dragon thing is SO COOL! I am going to get a new phone for my birthday so I will be able to play it then!

R - Children

Jenny - Did you see Star Wars? Dad says I can have a Hans Solo doll if I stop biting my fingernails

Johnny - Oh man that is so cool, I wish I bit my fingernails. How cool was it though when Hans Solo died...

R - Really now chil...

Johnny - I was like OMG NO WAY

R - Johnny...

Jenny - Yeah I know!! And Chewie was all like upset and stuff and...

R - Jenny, could yo...

Johnny - yeah yeah and like I swear my mum was like crying or something..


J&J - Yes?

R - [ close to tears ] Please, just, concentrate.

Johnny - this is so boring,

[Hallway after session has fnished]

Jenny - Why do they keep asking us this stuff about ecigs?

Johnny - Dunno, it's annoying though. Did you see on Facebook that everyone is using them?

Jenny - Really? Sez who?

Johnny - Oh scientists and stuff, it was in a paper. My mum shares that stuff all the time. Apparently they are just as bad as real fags.

Jenny - Yeah I know, that is why my dad won't use one. I used to think they were good but he said 'No'.

[Debrief among researchers]

Well I think this is fairly conclusive, none of the kids wanted to buy the stationary and they were fairly apathetic about the ads....


  1. Thank you for the much needed laugh Lorien :-)

  2. Very funny. Yeah, I don't think stationary is quite the thing kids of that age are into these days!

  3. dear Lorien, thank you for giving me a good long laugh.yes, it seems tobbacco kontrol hates people seeing what complete and utter jerks that they are through their only highlights their contempt and hatred for any whom do not submit to their insane hateful ways.make no mistake when they are done with smokers they will be just as inflexible with those who vape.antismokers have no compassion or scruples, and if you doubt this just look at how they have treated smokers.they will do the same to vapers when it suits them.and we smokers will just say we warned you.still thank you for a good chuckle or three. i am proud some vapers get it. you see what is coming. be aware and ready because it is going to happen if we smokers and vapers alike let it.

  4. dear lorien, thank you for using good manners.oh and patroller, would you mind not being so verbally abusive to other posters on this blog???your constantly cursing and posting ad hominem attacks is just plain rude.besides i think that just maybe you are the diabled toilet. there i am done with you troller. you are thin skinned and rude
    my appoligies ti everuone else i am tired of anti anything being rude all the time

  5. dear patroller, if you can find nothing to say without cursing every other word and no real substance, you deserve to be are with out a doubt the thinnest skinned anti I have ever come across.oh and reminder be pleasant. good manners cost you nothing and make you easier to put up with.

  6. Hey, "patroller", do you have the balls to troll MY blog?

    1. You're already finished here. Everyone knows what an obnoxious little sock sniffer you are.

    2. dear fergus good on you sir i do not like pa-troller i find him to be a most unpleasant person.and was hoping i was not the only one to find him far as i can tell he is just a pathetic anti seeing what mess he can stir up. also he seems a little-too thin skinned so be gentle. he is just on someone elses payroll after all. am i right troller? who pays you to insult vapers and smokers????that to me anyhow is the real question. who pays you to do this, HMMMMMM????? just sayin what i think.either that or you are one thick anti and that is all you are go away and lat grown folks talk hhmmmmmm??????as i sais fergus patroller is just a shill for the antis.

    3. Meh. I've been threatened by PIRA and the Taliban. A spaz like you is just a light snack.

  7. Oi Patroller. Do you have a blog we can see your written masterpieces on?

  8. dear lorien and all, i just would like to say i find patroller the most thin skinned unfreindly type of person imaginable.and insulting too. i have always done my best to treat others as i would treat myself. that being said, patroller would you mind going somewhere else. no one deserves to be talked to the way you have talked to these an aside i think fergus has been fairly civil considering you are a most unfreindly type of person. good day to you patroller i say good day sir

  9. dear lorien do you have a facebook page i would like to be freinds with both you and fergus mason. i admire both of you for allowing me to be here.besides i have a lot of freinds who vape, and they dont try to stop me from smoking.they are my freinds and i like people. so please excuse my anger at patroller he is not a nice person i think thank you for a good blog and much thoughtful words.i love this blog.

  10. Mmm...The patroller eh?...I picture them sitting in their Mothers basement, wearing her clothes and surrounded by cats!

  11. dear miss lorien, i am astonished to come back and see that patroller has disappeared. good for dear lady, as his hatefilled rethoric was beginning to be repetitive and foul-mouthed in the extreme. and fergus mason was as far as i could tell being very restrained in his comebacks to patroller. the last comment may say anonymous but that was not me. still i suspect whoever wrote it may be more right than they knew.i suspect patroller is a paid antismoker, who loves to attack smokers and vapers alike. as for myself i smoke and have more than a few freinds who vape and we get along the way i live in the u.s.of america and smoking is not dead yet, not by a long shot.i am also very pro choice. i go to 12 step meetings for not drinking but i do not wish to tell others how to live their lives.i will not put my hands on another so they should not put their hands on me. i have tried to not engage patroller but as with any bully they just do not know when to quit being a bully.thank you fregus for standing besise me and miss lorien and telling patroller bad manners just dont cut it anymore.besides it is not as if there are not quite a few other pro-smoking or pro-vaping blogs out i have said before good manners cost nothing and make a person nicer to be around sincrely, raymond b.

  12. Stationary!? Really... I have heard quite a few definitions, but seriously. Stationary....